Reflection 4 & 5

Chapter 11 was about fostering self-discipline and implementing solutions and consequences. I thought it was helpful that the book broke down ten behavior problems and their solutions. These problems are:

1. Children are not certain about the rules and how to follow them.

2. Children can’t figure out what actions to substitute for unacceptable ones.

3. Adults have inappropriate expectations for children’s behavior.

4. Children have difficulty controlling impulsive behavior.

5. Children have mistaken perceptions about how to gain acceptance.

6. Other significant adults, siblings, or peers advocate certain behaviors that are counter to the rule

7. Children think that the rule is unjustified or unnecessary.

8. Children have no ownership of the rules and no investment to follow them.

9. Children have learned that unacceptable behaviors are usually ignored or that following the rules makes no difference.

10. Children are testing the adult to see how far they will bend in relation to the rule and how consistently the rule will be enforced.

The book points out that any or all of these could be the real reason behind behavioral issues and that if the adult changes their own behavior, the problems usually get better. It reminds me of the saying, “There are no bad dogs, just bad owners.” Something I’ve learned from this chapter, is that we often expect so much from children and don’t remember that they are just that,—children. We need to break things down and clarify any discrepancies for them, because they’re learning and only have the capacity to do what they’ve been taught.

Chapter 12 covers how to deal with aggressive behavior in children. In order to keep children from being bullied, they need to know how to be assertive. In the book they define assertiveness as, purposeful action used to express self or protect rights while respecting the rights and feelings of others. It also states that assertive children:

· Resist unreasonable demands.

· Refuse to tolerate aggressive acts.

· Stand up against unfair treatment.

· Accept logical disagreements.

· Suggest solutions to conflict.

It’s interesting that so much that I’ve learned about young children in this book can also apply to adults as well. I can see how developing these assertive characteristics can also lead to better self-esteem in children as well. As we know, children don’t develop these skills overnight and can sometimes unintentionally have their attempts to be assertive turn to aggressiveness. Adults need to be there to guide them back to the right track.

Chapter 13 is about helping children develop prosocial behavior. Reading this chapter reminded me of what I’d previously learned in chapter 5 about children’s emotional development. At first, children can really only feel one emotion at a time and don’t have a sense of empathy. Knowing this, I can see how it takes quite a bit of time for children to develop prosocial behaviors and why they need much guidance from adults through modeling, discipline strategies, prosocial attributions, rewarding their prosocial behavior, and direct instruction. I liked how the authors suggesting setting aside time for activities that are specifically designed to promote prosocial behavior in children, such as group work. My sisters and I always laugh about how much “psychological trickery” goes into parenting. To me, a great example of this is the use of prosocial attributions. In other words, the more you tell a child that they are kind, generous, compassionate (along with smart, funny, and beautiful), they more they will believe it and act the part. This is an awesome strategy, and one that is so easy to use.

1. Prosocial Behavior- Acts that support, assist, or benefit others without external rewards. There are three steps to children beginning to act prosocially. Awareness, decision, and action. In other words, first the children must become aware of situations where prosocial acts would be beneficial to others. Next, the children have to decide whether or not they will react to the situation and how. Then, they have to decide whether or not to follow through on the action that they decided on. Adults are the biggest influence on children’s prosocial behavior. Adults need to model this behavior regularly. Behaving prosocially is imperative for children to make lasting friendships.

2. Reflections and Paraphrasing- Before this course, I had never heard of either of these. I had no idea that telling a child that they were drawing a “pretty” picture was judgmental. I think that this came as a shock to me because I felt like I had been doing it all wrong and perhaps messing up children left and right for years. Although using reflections takes quite a bit of thinking at first, I believe it is something that I will get used to with practice. I see the value in it. Behavior reflections such as saying to a child, “you’re coming down the slide”, are an effective way of showing a child you’re interested in them and also a way to narrate their world. It increases their self-awareness and makes them feel good that an adult took the time to notice them and verbalize it. Paraphrasing is a restatement, in an adult’s words, of something a child has said. These statements don’t express personal opinion, but they let a child know that you are actively listening to what they are saying and encourage them to keep the conversation going. It also allows the child to restate their original message if the listener has not accurately interpreted it.

3. Personal Messages- A statement that expresses behavior expectations for children. It includes a reflection of what the child is doing, saying, or feeling; the adult emotional reaction and the reason for the reaction; and if it is used to change behavior, then also a direction for what to do instead. I have most often used this method on my own children since learning it. When I use a personal message, I start to feel like I’m using too many words to get my point across. They always seem to be quite effective nonetheless. Breaking it down for children and telling them why their actions are inappropriate really helps them understand why they should use a different approach. On the other hand, positive personal messages are an effective form of praise. When using this method, you begin with a reflection, identify a personal emotion regarding the child’s action and gives a reason for it. Telling a child you are pleased with them and is so much more effective than a generic, “Thank You” or “Good”. It teaches children behaviors that they should retain for future use.

Reflection #3

Chapter 8
It is important for children to have at least one friend. The book says that without a best friend, a child is more likely to be victimized, lonely, less able to initiate play with peers, suffer academically because of their negative attitude towards school, and miss out on practicing important social skills. As an adult, they are more likely to suffer from depression, mental illnesses, heart disease and hypertension. They are also at a greater risk of suicide. It is so important to help children develop quality relationships with their peers. They don’t need thirty best friends, but at least one true peer friendship.
Being able to form a friendship is related to being able to regulate and express their emotions. Early interaction with adults set a foundation with children for what they expect interactions to be like with their peers. It is important for adults to set a positive example or else children will come to expect negative interactions with their peers and be less likely to want to interact.
Chapter 9
I think limited transitions are a good idea to implement when working with young children. When changing from one setting to another, or from one subject to another. You can’t always expect children to sit patiently and wait between activities. The book says that there is an increase in the number of interaction problems between children (and adults and children) during group transitions. They get confused about how to act when one activity is over and another begins. Things can get rowdy. It is good to limit the number of transitions, or try to steer towards individual instead of group transitions. If you do use group transitions, implement songs and regular routines and so children will focus and know what to expect.
When adults offer choices to children, they feel good about themselves. It helps to boost their confidence in their own decision making. They are more likely to “own” a decision that they make for themselves, and less likely to resent the consequences. They are happier if they have taken part in decision making rather than having an adult choose for them.
Chapter 10
The Four R’s (Reflect, React, Reason, and Rule), give an excellent template for expressing personal messages. It is generally ineffective to tell a child not to do something without explaining why they shouldn’t be doing whatever it is. Adults sometimes assume that children automatically know why we’re telling them to do something such as, “don’t run”. We need to explain why they shouldn’t be doing so by explaining what negative effects could happen from their behavior. “Carlene, I see that you are running in the halls. It makes me worried that you will fall and get hurt. We don’t run in the halls at school.” Breaking it down like that gets the message across without confusing the child.
Positive personal messages are a way of stepping up the generic, “good job”, and giving it meaning. They offer a more direct way for adults to tell children what they think about children’s appropriate behavior. Positive personal messages should lead to effective praise statements. Don’t just say you are pleased; say why you are pleased and how their actions affected you personally and positively. Children should know that the adults in their life are sources of approval as well as correction.

Blog Reflection #2

Chapter 4:

This chapter on verbal communication was awesome! However, it made me realize how many things I am doing wrong! Kind of sad, but at least I'm learning, right?

1. When giving praise to children, you don't want to overdo or underdo it. You also don't want to make judgemental statements such as, "That is a beautiful drawing." I do that ALL the time! I learned that the best type of praise to give is comments that are reflections or a simple informational statement. There should be no reference to your own feelings or evaluate the child in any way. Sometimes I still accidentally give "improper praise", but the book recommends that when this happens, the adult should just stop talking and refocus on what the child is actually doing.
2. Reflection statements are brilliant. They seem to keep the conversation going, yet they act as an appropriate conversation ender as well. They allow children to get their point across without an adult intruding with their own thoughts and taking over the conversation.

Chapter 5:

1. I loved that the book pointed out the fact that toddlers and preschoolers are only capable of feeling one emotion at a time. They're completely angry or completely pleased. It is so true. Around five or six they can feel more than one emotion, but they must be from the same cluster. From about eight to eleven they can fell contrasting emotions about the same topic, but not at the same time. My daughters are three and five years old, and keeping this information in mind, I feel like I am better able to understand what they are feeling and how to approach different topics and situations.
2. It is important to realize that not everyone feels the same way about something. Something that is exciting to one person, may be terrifying to another. For example, I'm deathly afraid of spiders. My sister, on the other hand, collected them and kept them in a jar. It was awful! The mind set of, "if I can handle it, you can handle it", is not something to be used when dealing with children... or adults, for that matter.

Chapter 6

This is my favorite chapter thus far. My five year old tends to stress about situations and it gave me some good advice on how to help her handle her stress. At the same time though, it made me feel like a terrible mother because I'm a divorced, single parent, and I am by no means wealthy! The book goes on and on about how adversely that affects a child, and it made me want to cry! Rather than selecting two topics from the chapter, I'd like to just make a list of all the things that struck me.

• We must be able to understand that children are dealing with stressors while being extremely limited in resources and experience.
• People aren't born with coping skills and it is an adult's job to help children to acquire positive stress management techniques before they learn negative coping patterns.
• Perception of an event as a stressor happens when a demand is greater than their resources to handle it.
• Tasks given to children must be developmentally appropriate, not just age appropriate.
• Adults should see the stressor through the child's eyes.
• A child needs to know that someone understands and cares. Keep your own behavior and emotions in control.
• Verbalize your perception of the situation to check for accuracy.
• Read children's books that depict stressful situations.
• Talk about events (without trying to scare the child) and discuss ways people coped. Focus on the positive and so they might someday, too.
• Problems occur when you see only the irritating behaviors in a child, not the child's distress. Remember that this is the child's way of coping and that change doesn't happen overnight.
• Use patience, consistency, and firmness.
• Don't dictate "appropriate" responses.
• Don't tell the child how to feel, but help them develop constructive ways of making their feelings known.

Chapter 7

1. I enjoyed reading about the fantasizer and the pragmatist, because it reminded me of my own children. I imagine that in a preschool setting you could run into problems if you do not recognize these different characteristics in children. When interrupted, the pragmatist will simply stop and comply with an adult's request. The fantasizer can have a difficult time leaving fantasy mode. Be patient with this and give them a little transition time.
2. Teachers are often focused so much on literacy and core curriculum that they don't give their students enough play time. Something that the book pointed out could be useful to a teacher trying to find a balance. Use literacy materials in play centers. Use blueprints of building in block areas, and grocery list note pads in kitchen areas as well as cookbooks. There are many things that can be incorporated into children's play that can also enhance literacy.

Blog Reflection #1

Chapter one discussed the subject of social competence in children. It is crucial that caregivers are aware of how to make children feel comfortable in order to help them flourish. Communicating to children that you care about them (facilitation dimension) is a key foundation of social competence. Incorporating empathy, warmth, respect, acceptance, and authenticity when working with little ones is all part of how you can expand children's social development. It is also important to understand the microsystems, exosystems, meso and macrosystems in a child's life in order to best see what may be influencing their social competence. Because each child learns and grows at different rates and in different ways, caregivers need to use individually appropriate practices as well as age, social, and culturally appropriate practices. The Chinese proverb, "I hear, and I forget, I see, and I remember, I do, and I understand." is a great way to look at things when teaching children. Make it a point to get to know each child and their background. Be sensitive to their individual needs, and know how to approach each child.

Chapter three discussed nonverbal communication. It is a very interesting topic in the sense that most of us do these things without even thinking. It is neat to see the different forms broken down and the different ways varying cultures view different gestures and mannerisms. This again stresses the importance of knowing a child's background. Personal space is something that often is invaded in children. Adults and caregivers need to be aware of what is appropriate and what is going to make a child feel uncomfortable or violated. It is wise to bear in mind that some kinds of physical contact may be appropriate for a five year old child, but may make an eight year old feel uneasy. Children imitate adults pattern of behavior, so if the adult is skillful in nonverbal communication, the child will learn to be skillful in time as well.